Mother of Two

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Children Writing About The Sea


1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3)If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent. ( Wayne age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.(Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails.
How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny. (Julie age 7)

Friday, February 23, 2007

Technical support !

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
Distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower
And jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such
As Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable
Programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0. Conversation
8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running
Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

__________________________________________________________________________



Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Try entering the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears
6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
Automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But
Remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
Default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.

CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a
Supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
Memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
Additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally
Recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Green fingers!

A couple of weeks ago KT and I planted our first lot of seeds and even though it has been pretty cold we are starting to get some seedlings. At the top are money maker tomatoes and at the bottom are the start of cabbages. If our success carries on we'll be eating well this summer! I'll keep you posted with their development.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Some more holiday snaps

Bazza blogging !
The sea nearly got him!















Me trying to be "Arty Farty "














A trip to the beach would not be complete without a donkey ride!

Friday, February 16, 2007

Tagged by Catch

A- Available or Single? - Neither
B- Best Friend? - Donna and Hubby of cause!
C- Cake or Pie? - Carrot cake
D- Drink of Choice? - Chardonnay ( plan on having a glass later)
E- Essential Item? - note book, have a need to make lists
F- Favorite Color? - green
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? - Bears
H- Hometown? - Hull
I- Indulgence? - Box of Thornton's Chocolates
J- January or February? - February
K- Kids and names? - Katie and Harry also three stepsons Joe, Luke & Ethan
L- Life is incomplete without? - My family
M- Marriage Date? - 26/07/1999
N- Number of Siblings? - Only child
O- Oranges or Apples?
P- Phobias/Fears? - Same as catch spiders and lifts
Q- Favorite Quote? - " I want never gets!" said i would never use such phrases with my kids but but find myself doing it all the time!
R- Reasons to smile? - My Children
S- Season? - Summer
T- Tag 3 people? - New Mom, Goldennib and Cindra
U- Unknown Fact About Me? - My middle name is Marie
V- Vegetable You Hate? - Swede but can manage to eat it if mashed with carrots
W- Worst Habit? - Talk to much
X- Xrays You've Had? - chest, fingers and arm
Y- Your Favorite Foods? - Fish and pasta
Z- Zodiac? - Leo

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

It's cold but where having a ball

It is really cold, especially the cottage on a night time . It's not what you can call a romantic break with us both going to bed with as many clothes on as we had during the day but the children don't seem to mind and are really enjoying themselves especially if we get near a beach. Here's a few snaps as promised.


This is the cottage we're staying at and some shots of the sea and the kids on the beach.


Sunday, February 11, 2007

Having a break

Well as most of you will already know, if you read Bazza's blog, we've gone on a little hol's. So far the weather as been kind it's not the most sunny of days but it is not too cold and we have managed to get out and take some walks and get some fresh air. Unfortunately my camera batteries where dead, forgot to charge them before we came which was a bit remiss off me i know but not as bad as bazza who forgot my coat good job i did the other packing or god knows what we'd be wearing, so at present i have no pic's to post but hopefully that will change tomorrow. The views are amazing and cannot wait to share them with you all.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

A Donkey Chuckle



This is a very moralistic story.

On the farm lived a young chicken and a donkey, both of whom loved to play together.

One day, the two were playing when the donkey fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the donkey 'hee hawed' for the young chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the young chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, she searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail. For he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the young chicken spied the farmer's new Z-4 silver BMW. Finding the keys in the ignition, the young chicken started the beautiful motor car and then sped off with a length of rope, hoping she still had time to save her friend's life.

Back at the bog, the donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the young chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the young chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the young chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the donkey!

Happy and proud, the young chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals!

A few weeks later, would you believe, the young chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, she too, began to sink and cried out to the donkey to save her life!

The donkey thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the young chicken to grab his tool and he would then lift her out of the pit.

The young chicken got a good grip, and the donkey pulled her up and out, saving her life.

The moral of the story?

When you're hung like a donkey, you don't need a BMW to pick up a chick.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Dorothy and Edna

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.? I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7:00 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvellous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!

So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress.
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